1,520 Day Streak
Week 3: 24th - 30th March 2025
Last miércoles, the day of my breakup, I had a Duo Lingo streak of 1,520 days. It doesn’t exactly match the duration of a 5 year relationship, but give or take a chunk of streak freezes, I had been learning Spanish with it for pretty much the whole time. My motivation was a couple of things: to connect with my ex and perhaps be able to read and watch things in his native language one day, and to work towards potentially living in Spain or a Spanish-speaking country. I was a bit stuck on the nitty-gritty of the verb tenses, but not doing too bad. I was able to follow the gist of Spanish language comics, with his support. It was working.
Following miércoles, everything changed for me. Jueves was filled with tears, sadness, resentment, despair… Completing my daily mini-commitment to him, of a Duo Lingo Spanish lesson, was out of the question. For the next couple of days, I used my 2 reserve Streak Freezes to preserve that impressive number, 1,520. I don’t know what for; perhaps on some level it felt like holding onto it would preserve the relationship, undo the bad dream. It seemed like if I could freeze it, it would then unfreeze, thaw, and go back to before.
But of course that hasn't been the case. Instead, I’ve had to start learning from these new daily lessons I’m receiving about life, relationships and their endings, and myself. It’s like I am learning a whole new language, one I should be fluent in as it's so personal, but I’m really really not. Everyone keeps telling me You’ll get so much stronger, you’ll grow. A little voice inside me shouts, in intermediate Spanish, But I was strong, I think! I was growing! I was learning Spanish! I was in a 5 year relationship that made me so, so happy! Isn’t that growing - growing into who I’m meant to be? That’s not what I’m supposed to learn, though.
Much like Duo Lingo, every day after a breakup brings a different lesson. I’ll compare them to the app. Some are listening or reading related, where I obtain new information, which often causes emotional responses that take a lot of processing to subdue. Others are speaking or writing related, where I express myself as I am doing on this Substack or in my journal. And the rest are through the medium of stories, where I recall something really lovely, and then retell it to myself in a different light. Maybe something’s not quite the same when I look at it from today’s perspective. In the context of this metaphor, these are the hardest ones - because the stories, past and future, are the hardest thing to let go of. I thought I was handling communication with him quite well, but then the following day I was a wreck. Another thing - sometimes the lessons take 24 hours to sink in.
The night after we broke up I forced myself to get out, go to see Derya Yildirim with Billy and Laura. Turkish music always soothes my soul. Before the gig I met them for a drink, and a colleague of Laura’s was with them. En route I thought to myself, Oh no, I don’t know that I can handle new people right now. But it was a really fortuitous meeting. Because Adrian gave some great advice. I brought up the breakup (obviously), and I guess I tried to make light of it to be less socially intense by lamenting, What am I gonna do with my 1,520 Duo Lingo streak! I may as well delete the app now! But Adrian insisted: don’t lose your streak. Just change the language. He said the context may have changed but the value absolutely hasn’t. I interpret this as: don’t lose what makes you you, what drives you, things you do. Just alter them to your new reality, change your perspective. ‘Duo Lingo’ doesn’t have to mean your second language is your partner’s native tongue any more, as a sort of bonding and binding act of love. It can mean it’s your own. Reclaim it.
I’ve always said I wish I was fluent in Turkish. I should be. I’ve been telling myself I will pick it up one day in the future, once I’m fluent in BSL (top priority) and Spanish (second place). But now my future looks completely different. So why not make a change in the present, too? Why not Turkish, now? And how great would it be to finally, finally understand what Derya Yildirim is singing about, what Barış Manço’s bizarrest lyrics are, and the meaning of all my favourite musicians’ Turkish names?
I chose Spanish because my ex is Spanish. In terms of learning a language, I love it - the shared Latin root with English makes ‘Guess the Meaning’ comparatively easy sometimes, and I really enjoy Spanish language songs and films, a fun way to practise on the side. Turkish is much, much harder to guess at. I love Turkish music just as much as Spanish (probably a bit more actually), but because of how it sounds - the excessive synths and military instruments and pulsing drumbeats and the beautiful, beautiful saz. And the emotion in the voice! You don’t need to understand what they’re saying to pick up on that. Most of my reasoning for choosing the Spanish course was my ex, but part of it was because it is just easier for me. Turkish is agglutinative and tricky. But in a time of my life when everything internal and external is tricky, why not take Turkish on now, while to be honest, it’s probably going to be the easiest thing I deal with during my day? It feels symbolic, logical and apt. So today, it’s Cumartesi. Hadi gel kizlar!!!!
Yes yes yes !